Warning: Rant post
Twitter is a social media platform unlike the other popular ones such as Facebook or Instagram, because it’s not about showing how cool your life is, it’s the platform for outrage and micro-debates. Today’s topic of the day was this ad by a famous jewellery selling chain. Take a look before you read further.
When I saw this ad, I thought of it as rather sweet. Apparently, I was in the minority (pun intended!).
Growing up in India is an experience unlike any other from a cultural perspective, especially for a city kid like me. Different languages and religions influence everyday life – so you never belong to just the culture you were born in. When there is such a mix of cultures, I also understand the need for people to feel like they may need to go the extra mile to protect their identity, to ensure that their culture isn’t lost among the many influences around them.
As a girl especially, it always seemed to be made clear to me that I would very much be marrying into my own kind of culture, yet subtle hints always reminded me that I am a daughter, paraya dhan (foreign property) who will one day leave her parents to serve in the household of the in-laws (if not dance to their rhythms). Leaving everything you know and embracing another culture doesn’t come easily to women either. Every girl has desperately prayed at some point in her life, that she gets to be one of the rare cases you hear of, where she can trust her in-laws as much as her own family.
Alas, this is easier said than done. A lot of women are put through hell by their in-laws. It is then but natural that they repeat this behaviour of abuse towards the next generation. Most women don’t have time for reflection under the burden of their duties to stop and think otherwise. And if you add cultural and religious differences to those, it’s a recipe for disaster. No wonder parents worry so much about their daughters and are so critical about which household they marry into.
Let’s put this in context of the post. Separating the population of a country based on religion, in a country where spirituality is like identity for so many people, was a trick foreigners have used for years to rule over India at different points in history. I was taught this over many years, in various forms, in various historical phases – the divide and conquer policy. Thus, the dream of the founders of our nation to build a secular state, where the government would not take a religious stand. In the India of today, the government may not be actively doing so, but they do let injustices happen. And it breaks my heart.
A girl goes into her husband’s house with a lot of apprehension. In her most vulnerable phase, where she will probably be a mother for the first time, we see a kind and loving mother-in-law arrange for familiar rituals for her young daughter-in-law, which will help with the health of both mother and child. These rituals aren’t familiar to her, yet the family embraces it just like they would wish for their own daughter. How thoughtful and touching!
But for me, it’s been taken too far this time. Large, non-governmental agencies are threatening ads featuring women, made for women? Who are the old men who don’t have anything better to do in life, to decide what is threatening their religion??! Every religion is so great in itself, that no one can “threaten” it. If you show that your religion is peaceful, loving and welcoming, everyone will flock to you. That’s what history has proven for the guests in India who’ve abused generosity and kindness.
Please, we need to see kindness and care in any form that we get it – in our isolation we are desperate to hear kind words and soothe our anxieties somewhat. And these people want to take that away from us too? I can’t speak for the generations before us, but if a woman willingly converts to another religion for her husband, its the kindness of the people of that religion towards her, which her own community failed to show. For a woman, that could be more meaningful than religious pride.
